應對

Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

這個題目

學生在主體部分寫了如下一句話：

Worse still, not all the games nowadays is suitable for the young, especially the kids. Children may believe that they could transform to birds after jumping out of the window while teens think that their friends could be received after being shot by bullet, resulting in serious injuries or even fatalities.

教師修改后的句子，如下：

Worse still, not all the games are suitable for the young, as many of them may fail to distinguish the boundaries between the real and the virtual. Addicted to violent games online, the teenagers are likely to be aggressive or trifle with life, resulting in unsocialized behavior in daily life.

▲ 雅思寫作鼓勵舉例論證，但我們看原文的例子：小孩會認為自己從窗戶跳出就可以變成飛鳥，青少年會認為他的朋友被槍擊之后也沒大礙。該例不形成與第一句的細化論證。

▲ 教師修改版本中，先對首句觀點稍作原因解釋，使用as所引導的原因狀語從句;

▲ 隨后，形容詞短語addicted to violent games online前置，修飾主句主語the teenagers，且細化出unsuitable games的一個分支;be aggressive or trifle with life緊貼暴力游戲;resulting in 現在分詞短語作結果狀語，遞進結果。最終形成問題表象 → 導致的結果 → 產生的影響的遞進式邏輯。

▲ be aggressive 有攻擊性的

▲ trifle with life 輕視生命

▲ unsocialized behavior 未經教化的/不為社會所接受的行為 antisocial behavior 反社會行為